To Whom Shall We Go?

John 6:66-69 "After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him.  So Jesus said to the Twelve, "Do you want to go away as well?"  Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God."

I was struck hard by this passage yesterday during the message at our church's morning worship service.  I struggled to listen to the following text and applications because I kept going back to Peter's answer.  I thought it for myself, "Where else would I go?  I know You, Jesus.  I know that you are true and real and the Holy One of God.  I don't always understand how all that works or applies to everyone in the world or to every person's unique situation but I have heard your 'words of eternal life and have believed and have come to know that you are the Holy One of God'."

I snapped out of my own mental considerations, tabled my thoughts, and picked them up again later in the day.  I thought about how I really knew, and have confidence, that I believe those words.  And I thought about trials.  I thought about some really rough life situations that have made me want to hide from life and roll into a ball.  I thought about the heaving sobs that have wracked my body during bouts of severe emotional pain.  I thought about the utter despair and uselessness I've felt.  And I thought about the small trials that have simply made me frustrated or annoyed or aggravated.  Those trials are largely the means by which my own heart has been convinced that I truly believe.

Why did many of the disciples turn back and no longer walk with him?  I don't know.  I don't really know why anyone does what they do. How can any of us be sure that we won't turn away?  How can we know that we really believe that Jesus has the words of eternal life and we KNOW that he is the Holy One of God?

I'm sure there are many very spiritual and complicated ways to answer that question; but, this morning I experienced a very small thing that gave me another drop of encouragement that my heart believes what my lips profess.  I had a dream, not a prophetic or profound dream, just an ordinary run-of-the-mill kind of dream that certainly won't go down in history.  I dreamed that our house was on fire.  We've had some trouble with a wood stove so the dream was certainly a byproduct of that real life situation.  I dreamed that we had a chimney fire that had spread to the area of the house with our bedroom and the bedrooms of two of our children.  I was startled awake (as is typical during a nightmarish type dream) and I could smell smoke.  In my half awake half asleep state, as I jumped out of bed to start evacuating children, two thoughts ran very quickly through my mind.  The first was very practical, "Why aren't the smoke alarms sounding?"  The second was, for me, very spiritual, "Here goes our house, but thank you Lord for the wonderful few months I got to live in it."

It turns out it really was just a dream.  I only smelled the wood smoke that lingered on my husband from work he'd done on the stove.  Our house was not in jeopardy.  But that one thought during that brief moment when I believed it was, helped settle my soul as I saw my own heart prove to me that my "treasure" was not in my home.  I've had some much greater trials than that one bad dream, trials that have helped me know that my treasure was not in my comfortable western lifestyle, or in my husband, or in my children, or my health.  Trials, big and small, can see us walking away from Jesus.  They can also draw us to Him as we cling to the words of eternal life, knowing that He is Holy One of God.