I was looking for a post on my threesyllables blog and I ran across one that I wrote almost three years ago about having "one of those days". We all have them, they're different but we all know what is meant by, "It's been one of those days."
It means the day didn't go how we planned it or how we wanted it to go. It means that our agenda got re-routed and we didn't feel like we could keep up with it. It means that we had things that were planned that had to be put on the back burner. It means that while we were on the back burner everything and everyone on the front burner was boiling over and we had to take care of it. It means that, even if we didn't have any grand expectations for the day, there were difficulties and trials and hardships that we just felt overwhelmed by.
You can read my thoughts from three years ago at How "Those Days" Change. You can read about how, six years ago, I wrote a post called Final Straw that detailed just such a "one of those days". It's amazing to be able to look back at those two posts and not feel the anguish anymore. Instead, I feel growth and encouragement to face the new days ahead. I am able to look back at those days and see how they were progress to these days. It doesn't make the difficulty of them diminish at all, but I can see how they have helped to build me up.
Those trials from "those days" were a combination of physical trials with emotional and spiritual implications, mostly as my spirit wrestled to gracefully handle the difficult physical situation. Many of the trial of a mother are physical, it's the nature of the demands of children. But as children get older and marriages age, there come more trials that skip right past the physical and hit you emotionally, often without warning.
I remember hitting a point of weariness where I didn't want to be built up or strengthened any more. I felt that my plate was full and my trial bucket overflowing. I considered James 1:3,4, "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." If perfection came by patience, and patience came by trials, then I was as close to perfect as I ever wanted to be. I told God that. I told Him that I was ok being being sub-perfect and I felt that my patience was as maxed as it could be and I was ready to pass on any more trials, forever.
God heard my prayer and answered it with a resounding, deafening, undeniable, "No!" In His loving mercy He said, "No my child, your ways are not my ways. I have better things for you, things that you cannot comprehend. You cannot comprehend Me, and your trials that lead to patience and perfection are leading you to Me." Just a few months after that prayer I was laid low by the most powerful spiritual and emotional battle that I'd ever encountered. It was an inwardly shattering experience that shook me to a depth I didn't know I had.
It took me four years to climb up from that trial and to begin to get a glimpse at what had come of it. I'm not sure I'm fully out of it yet, as my look back is still a bit too close to see the whole picture, but I'm starting to view it from afar. This trial has drawn me to God in a way that no trial had. This trial exposed in my something I had not seen before, idolatry. I had not known that I had any other gods before God. I had examined myself and had not seen anything that usurped my Lord. But, my eyesight is dim and I'm not yet seeing through a glass clearly. God is, and He knew the trial that I needed to open up my view of my heart and to expose that which was holding me back from really knowing and enjoying Him fully, from putting Him absolutely first in my life.
I'm not sure if I've climbed above that trial yet, but I'm high enough to be able to see a glimpse of God that I've never experience.
I had a free morning earlier last week, everyone was gone or sleeping and I had nothing immediately pressing that had to be done. It was a rare combination for me (especially for that time of the day). I realized I could sit quietly and just read the Bible with no interruptions. I was so excited I started to weep with joy. I opened up to the Psalms and read and prayed through three of them with tears running down my face and an overwhelming joy in my heart for the gift of God, Himself, and my utter appreciation of it.
It was during that time that I thought back to a message I heard at family camp in August about thanking God for our trials. I knew I could not honestly thank Him for that big one. I wanted to, but I couldn't do it. I was willing to bear the trial and attempt to work through it and not begrudge Him for it, but I couldn't put a "thank you" on it without it being a mere platitude. Last week that changed. As I experienced the delight of worship in my soul I understood what part that trial had in bringing me to such a place in my relationship with my Savior, and I thanked Him for it, gladly.
My ladies, you are all young. Your trials are varied and your life experiences put you on different places in your journeys. But, each one of you has experienced the growth of getting through a more difficult trial than the one before or being able to withstand an ordeal that you could not have withstood at one time. You have seen evidence of perfection, growing stronger in Christ through trials. Keep in mind that perfection does not mean that you will be tougher and stronger and more capable. Perfection means that you will brought closer and closer to the King, and in Him you will draw all of the strength that is available to man.
Two thing have come from my trial, a closeness to God and a greater ability to love. Why does that surprise me? Why do I not intrinsically know that true love can only flow from me as I am drawn close to Him. I fear there are more lessons and trials ahead! No, I don't really fear them any more. If they draw me to the Lord then I not only need them, I want them.
May God bless you in your trials today!
Friday, October 10, 2014
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Follow up to "Love is...."
One of my ladies texted me with some thought about the previous post and I want to follow up, publicly, with the reply that I gave her. Her thoughts were good ones. Here's what she said to me about the helper who failed to fully follow my instructions,
Let me give you a little bit of additional information. First of all, I didn't voice my displeasure. My helper didn't hear any words of dissatisfaction from me. I considered and pondered the situation and came up with the thoughts I expressed in the post. Secondly, it wasn't a child who was helping me. :)
But, those things aside, there are two things to consider here. One is the real question of, "Do I want my children to think for themselves and come up with alternatives that may be a better solution than one I've presented." The answer isn't purely straight forward. Yes, I want them to think for themselves. Yes, I'm willing to let them make mistakes and learn by doing. But, when they're doing something for me and it's a direct command they need to do what I've asked. It's no different in the workplace. Some of my older children worked at a grocery store when they were teenagers. One of the requirements for retrieving carts was the worker could only bring in seven carts at a time. It was a definite matter of contention among the teen employees. They didn't see any reason for not bringing in ten or fifteen at a time. My comment to my kids about it was to do exactly what the boss said to do. If he told them to bring the carts in one at a time walking backwards that what they should do. He was the boss, he was paying them to do a job for him and until they were the boss, they had to do it his way or quit.
Nothing was stopping them from observing and thinking and coming up with ideas for how they might do it if the choice was theirs to make. But, when we are in a situation where we are under someone else's authority, unless they are commanding us to do something opposed to God, we do it their way. If we have a better idea we need to discuss it with them before going out on our own.
The second thing to consider is this, the real point that I was getting at was what we look like to God. I was imagining myself hearing His words and coming up with something that makes better sense to me. I thought about the kind of disappointment He must feel when he sees me end up with unsatisfactory results (dry eggs, or worse) because I didn't trust and obey. I thought of how arrogant and prideful I must look to think that I have a better idea than God, or think I understand His motives so can find my own solution to life's questions.
So I asked myself, "What kind of obedience does He expect from us?" When do we have "direct orders" and when are we left to figure it out and go with what seems best to us?
Our first lesson in obedience comes from Eve. (Sadly, there are many more all throughout scripture and history and our own lives. Sadly, we don't learn very well. Thankfully, God is forgiving and gives us a way out of our mess. But how well off we are to learn from others, and our own, mistakes.) Back to Eve. God had given one command, just one, "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat[d] of it you shall surely die,” Gen. 2:16, 17.It was direct and it had a consequence.
Look at what happens in chapter 3 when the serpent questions Eve. First he misrepresents God's command by asking if God forbade them to eat of any tree in the garden. Eve is probably thrown slightly off guard as she seeks to correct his error and then she adds something of her own by replying, 'but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’ Since they weren't supposed to eat it, it would certainly be a good idea not to touch it; but, God didn't say not to touch it, just not to eat it.
This is our first problem, we add to God's commands.
The serpent now questions the validity of the command by appealing to Eve's sense of reason and justice. She uses those, plus her senses to determine what is true. Reasoning--fruit is good, knowledge is good, eating the fruit must be good. Justice--God will surely not kill me, He's a good God. Senses--she saw that it was good for food and it was a "delight to the eyes". It looked right, it seemed right, it felt right. But, it was wrong. Everything she worked out on her own (and with the encouragement of the serpent) led her away from obeying God's direct command.
Someone recently asked me how she could know if what she was considering was the leading of God or the tempting of Satan. My answer was to consider Eve. Be careful of being drawn into a decision based solely on senses, reasoning, and judgment. God wants us to use all of those things, but not to be drawn away from Him by them. If we are convincing ourselves to follow a path that has any specific opposition to God's word then we can be certain is not from God.
So, what do we gain by obeying parents or employers? First, there is an aspect of preservation in following the lead of someone who knows more than we do. The grocery store owner had experience with damaged carts and damaged vehicles and damaged store walls. By experience, he knew the limit that the average employee could safely handle and made it a rule for all employees. By experience, I knew the best way to serve the eggs. An employee or helper who chooses to try it their own way is essentially acting in arrogance by thinking they know more even with a lack of experience.
Second, we learn to act out one of the two great commandments given to us by Jesus Christ. We learn to "love our neighbor as ourself" (this is especially relevant when we really do >know more or better than the one we must obey). How is that obedience to authority (on earth) teaches us to love others? Loving others is an act of humility. Jesus tells us to think more highly of others than we do ourselves, to give preference to others, to "honor all men". We don't love, prefer, or honor unless we are humble. Obedience helps us to practice humility and not always go to ourselves to work everything out, placing our abilities and thoughts above all others. Practicing obedience to authorities helps to mold our heart into one of humility before God so that we are in a better frame of heart and mind to fully trust in Him.
I know there are exceptions, there are times that we really do see what's best. But, how do we go about communicating that or following through with it? When it comes to something that we've been directly told to do, we need to communicate our thoughts to the person in charge if we want to do it differently. Imagine the disorder that would result from employees choosing their own directions. Or players choosing to ignore the directions of their coach. Chaos would rein.
When it comes to God...I hope we understand fully that God has infinitely more wisdom than we do and are not quick to try to work out a better solution to His commands and directions. Not only does He have more insight and wisdom but He tells us flat out that His ways are not our ways.
Remember Eve. God was not kidding, there were, and are, consequences.
Yes, they (the eggs) would have been better in a bowl and you knew that and were proven right. Yes, you want your children to obey your commands. However, it gave me the impression that your child shouldn't think for themselves for a better solution, but simply do whatever you tell them to.....I don't understand why it was such a disappointment for them to think through the situation themselves, even if it resulted in dry eggs.Did anyone else have the same thoughts?
Let me give you a little bit of additional information. First of all, I didn't voice my displeasure. My helper didn't hear any words of dissatisfaction from me. I considered and pondered the situation and came up with the thoughts I expressed in the post. Secondly, it wasn't a child who was helping me. :)
But, those things aside, there are two things to consider here. One is the real question of, "Do I want my children to think for themselves and come up with alternatives that may be a better solution than one I've presented." The answer isn't purely straight forward. Yes, I want them to think for themselves. Yes, I'm willing to let them make mistakes and learn by doing. But, when they're doing something for me and it's a direct command they need to do what I've asked. It's no different in the workplace. Some of my older children worked at a grocery store when they were teenagers. One of the requirements for retrieving carts was the worker could only bring in seven carts at a time. It was a definite matter of contention among the teen employees. They didn't see any reason for not bringing in ten or fifteen at a time. My comment to my kids about it was to do exactly what the boss said to do. If he told them to bring the carts in one at a time walking backwards that what they should do. He was the boss, he was paying them to do a job for him and until they were the boss, they had to do it his way or quit.
Nothing was stopping them from observing and thinking and coming up with ideas for how they might do it if the choice was theirs to make. But, when we are in a situation where we are under someone else's authority, unless they are commanding us to do something opposed to God, we do it their way. If we have a better idea we need to discuss it with them before going out on our own.
The second thing to consider is this, the real point that I was getting at was what we look like to God. I was imagining myself hearing His words and coming up with something that makes better sense to me. I thought about the kind of disappointment He must feel when he sees me end up with unsatisfactory results (dry eggs, or worse) because I didn't trust and obey. I thought of how arrogant and prideful I must look to think that I have a better idea than God, or think I understand His motives so can find my own solution to life's questions.
So I asked myself, "What kind of obedience does He expect from us?" When do we have "direct orders" and when are we left to figure it out and go with what seems best to us?
Our first lesson in obedience comes from Eve. (Sadly, there are many more all throughout scripture and history and our own lives. Sadly, we don't learn very well. Thankfully, God is forgiving and gives us a way out of our mess. But how well off we are to learn from others, and our own, mistakes.) Back to Eve. God had given one command, just one, "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat[d] of it you shall surely die,” Gen. 2:16, 17.It was direct and it had a consequence.
Look at what happens in chapter 3 when the serpent questions Eve. First he misrepresents God's command by asking if God forbade them to eat of any tree in the garden. Eve is probably thrown slightly off guard as she seeks to correct his error and then she adds something of her own by replying, 'but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’ Since they weren't supposed to eat it, it would certainly be a good idea not to touch it; but, God didn't say not to touch it, just not to eat it.
This is our first problem, we add to God's commands.
The serpent now questions the validity of the command by appealing to Eve's sense of reason and justice. She uses those, plus her senses to determine what is true. Reasoning--fruit is good, knowledge is good, eating the fruit must be good. Justice--God will surely not kill me, He's a good God. Senses--she saw that it was good for food and it was a "delight to the eyes". It looked right, it seemed right, it felt right. But, it was wrong. Everything she worked out on her own (and with the encouragement of the serpent) led her away from obeying God's direct command.
Someone recently asked me how she could know if what she was considering was the leading of God or the tempting of Satan. My answer was to consider Eve. Be careful of being drawn into a decision based solely on senses, reasoning, and judgment. God wants us to use all of those things, but not to be drawn away from Him by them. If we are convincing ourselves to follow a path that has any specific opposition to God's word then we can be certain is not from God.
So, what do we gain by obeying parents or employers? First, there is an aspect of preservation in following the lead of someone who knows more than we do. The grocery store owner had experience with damaged carts and damaged vehicles and damaged store walls. By experience, he knew the limit that the average employee could safely handle and made it a rule for all employees. By experience, I knew the best way to serve the eggs. An employee or helper who chooses to try it their own way is essentially acting in arrogance by thinking they know more even with a lack of experience.
Second, we learn to act out one of the two great commandments given to us by Jesus Christ. We learn to "love our neighbor as ourself" (this is especially relevant when we really do >know more or better than the one we must obey). How is that obedience to authority (on earth) teaches us to love others? Loving others is an act of humility. Jesus tells us to think more highly of others than we do ourselves, to give preference to others, to "honor all men". We don't love, prefer, or honor unless we are humble. Obedience helps us to practice humility and not always go to ourselves to work everything out, placing our abilities and thoughts above all others. Practicing obedience to authorities helps to mold our heart into one of humility before God so that we are in a better frame of heart and mind to fully trust in Him.
I know there are exceptions, there are times that we really do see what's best. But, how do we go about communicating that or following through with it? When it comes to something that we've been directly told to do, we need to communicate our thoughts to the person in charge if we want to do it differently. Imagine the disorder that would result from employees choosing their own directions. Or players choosing to ignore the directions of their coach. Chaos would rein.
When it comes to God...I hope we understand fully that God has infinitely more wisdom than we do and are not quick to try to work out a better solution to His commands and directions. Not only does He have more insight and wisdom but He tells us flat out that His ways are not our ways.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8,9
Remember Eve. God was not kidding, there were, and are, consequences.
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