The Gift of Trials

I was looking for a post on my threesyllables blog and I ran across one that I wrote almost three years ago about having "one of those days". We all have them, they're different but we all know what is meant by, "It's been one of those days."

It means the day didn't go how we planned it or how we wanted it to go. It means that our agenda got re-routed and we didn't feel like we could keep up with it. It means that we had things that were planned that had to be put on the back burner. It means that while we were on the back burner everything and everyone on the front burner was boiling over and we had to take care of it. It means that, even if we didn't have any grand expectations for the day, there were difficulties and trials and hardships that we just felt overwhelmed by.

You can read my thoughts from three years ago at How "Those Days" Change. You can read about how, six years ago, I wrote a post called Final Straw that detailed just such a "one of those days". It's amazing to be able to look back at those two posts and not feel the anguish anymore. Instead, I feel growth and encouragement to face the new days ahead. I am able to look back at those days and see how they were progress to these days. It doesn't make the difficulty of them diminish at all, but I can see how they have helped to build me up.

Those trials from "those days" were a combination of physical trials with emotional and spiritual implications, mostly as my spirit wrestled to gracefully handle the difficult physical situation. Many of the trial of a mother are physical, it's the nature of the demands of children. But as children get older and marriages age, there come more trials that skip right past the physical and hit you emotionally, often without warning.

I remember hitting a point of weariness where I didn't want to be built up or strengthened any more. I felt that my plate was full and my trial bucket overflowing. I considered James 1:3,4, "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." If perfection came by patience, and patience came by trials, then I was as close to perfect as I ever wanted to be. I told God that. I told Him that I was ok being being sub-perfect and I felt that my patience was as maxed as it could be and I was ready to pass on any more trials, forever.

God heard my prayer and answered it with a resounding, deafening, undeniable, "No!" In His loving mercy He said, "No my child, your ways are not my ways. I have better things for you, things that you cannot comprehend. You cannot comprehend Me, and your trials that lead to patience and perfection are leading you to Me." Just a few months after that prayer I was laid low by the most powerful spiritual and emotional battle that I'd ever encountered. It was an inwardly shattering experience that shook me to a depth I didn't know I had.

It took me four years to climb up from that trial and to begin to get a glimpse at what had come of it. I'm not sure I'm fully out of it yet, as my look back is still a bit too close to see the whole picture, but I'm starting to view it from afar. This trial has drawn me to God in a way that no trial had. This trial exposed in my something I had not seen before, idolatry. I had not known that I had any other gods before God. I had examined myself and had not seen anything that usurped my Lord. But, my eyesight is dim and I'm not yet seeing through a glass clearly. God is, and He knew the trial that I needed to open up my view of my heart and to expose that which was holding me back from really knowing and enjoying Him fully, from putting Him absolutely first in my life.

I'm not sure if I've climbed above that trial yet, but I'm high enough to be able to see a glimpse of God that I've never experience.

I had a free morning earlier last week, everyone was gone or sleeping and I had nothing immediately pressing that had to be done. It was a rare combination for me (especially for that time of the day). I realized I could sit quietly and just read the Bible with no interruptions. I was so excited I started to weep with joy. I opened up to the Psalms and read and prayed through three of them with tears running down my face and an overwhelming joy in my heart for the gift of God, Himself, and my utter appreciation of it.

It was during that time that I thought back to a message I heard at family camp in August about thanking God for our trials. I knew I could not honestly thank Him for that big one. I wanted to, but I couldn't do it. I was willing to bear the trial and attempt to work through it and not begrudge Him for it, but I couldn't put a "thank you" on it without it being a mere platitude. Last week that changed. As I experienced the delight of worship in my soul I understood what part that trial had in bringing me to such a place in my relationship with my Savior, and I thanked Him for it, gladly.

My ladies, you are all young. Your trials are varied and your life experiences put you on different places in your journeys. But, each one of you has experienced the growth of getting through a more difficult trial than the one before or being able to withstand an ordeal that you could not have withstood at one time. You have seen evidence of perfection, growing stronger in Christ through trials. Keep in mind that perfection does not mean that you will be tougher and stronger and more capable. Perfection means that you will brought closer and closer to the King, and in Him you will draw all of the strength that is available to man.

Two thing have come from my trial, a closeness to God and a greater ability to love. Why does that surprise me? Why do I not intrinsically know that true love can only flow from me as I am drawn close to Him. I fear there are more lessons and trials ahead! No, I don't really fear them any more. If they draw me to the Lord then I not only need them, I want them.

May God bless you in your trials today!